4/10/16
Chapter 11
- People avoid negative situations to Protect themselves in the short term but ultimately keeps you from feeling the love, intimacy, & connection you desire most. Learn to find hidden Positive meaning of negative emotions.
- If the messages your emotions are trying to give you are ignored, they intensify until you Pay attention.
★ - don't deny emotions, understand + use them.
- Some Pride themselves on being worse off than others. It's a self-fulfilling Prophecy.
★ - Emotions, even those Painful in the short term, are truly like an internal compass that Points you toward the actions you must take to arrive at your goals.
- Your Past does not equal your future
★ - negative emotions are merely a call to action.
★ - Negative emotions = Action Signals
- Allowing emotions to take over everything is squandering one of life's most Precious resources
- You can feel any way you choose at any time
★ - You don't need any special reason to feel good — You can Just decide to feel good right now simply because you're alive and you want to.
- change your approach.
★ - 6 Steps to emotional mastery
- Identify what you're really feeling. lower intensity
- Acknowledge & appreciate your emotions, knowing they support you. Cultivate feeling of appreciation for all emotions.
- Get curious about the message this emotion is offering you.
it's a Pattern interrupt. Master → Solve → Prevent
- Get confident that you can handle the emotion immediately. realize you've successfully handled it before
- Be certain you can handle it today and in the Future as well. rehearse it.
- Get excited! Take action
10 Primary emotions most People try to avoid... but I will use to drive myself to action.
- Discomfort (boredom, embarrassment, distress)
Solution: Follow steps, clarify what you want, change approach
- Fear — Solution: review and Prep mentally. Figure out actions.
- Hurt - expectation not met. 1) Solution: realize you haven't lost anything. What you need to lose is False Perception.
- re-evaluate 3) elegantly and appropriately communicate feeling of loss to Person involved
★ 4. Anger - an important standard you hold in life has been broken either by you or Someone else. Anger can be changed in a moment. Solution 1) You may have interpreted the situation all wrong. The other Person doesn't know. 2) even if a rule of yours was violated, they may not be the "right" rules.
- ask empowering questions, interrupt Pattern.
- Frustration - when we Put out effort but don't see rewards. Your brain believes it could be doing better than you currently are.
Solution: 1) Frustration = my friend. brainstorm new ways to achieve result. 2) Find a role model, someone who has what you want. 3) be fascinated by what you can learn to help you handle the challenge
- disappointment - anything that makes you feel sad. You expected more. change goal & take action. Solution: 1) Learn from the Situation. 2) set new goal, more inspiring. 3) realize you may be Judging too soon. often it's only temporary. God's delays aren't denials. 4) situation isn't over yet. develop Patience. develop more effective Plan to achieve goal. 5) have Positive outlook
- Guilt — you've violated one of your highest standards.
Solution: 1) Acknowledge you violated a standard. 2) commit to making sure it never happens again. rehearse it. Utilize guilt, don't wallow in it.
- Inadequacy - we have an unfair rule of determining our adequacy. It's telling you that you don't have enough skill Yet for task at hand. You need more info, strategies, tools, confidence. Solution: 1) change way you perceive things. 2) You're not Perfect. Just improve constantly 3) Find role model in area of inadequacy.
- overwhelmed - need to reevaluate what's most important to you in this situation. Solution: 1) decide what the most important thing to focus on is. 2) write down things you need to get done in order of Priority. 3) tackle first thing on list. master it. 4) focus on what you can control & realize there must be an empowering meaning to it all.
- Loneliness - You need connection with People. Solution: 1) realize You can reach out & connect immediately and end loneliness. 2) ID the kind of connection You need. 3) remind yourself what's great about feeling lonely:
it means I care about People and I love to be with them.
So make it happen. 4) Take action, connect with Someone.
★ - My mind is a garden. The 10 action signals above are weeds that need to be Pulled out. The 10 emotions of Power below are what I must Plant more of.
- respond to People with love to melt negative intensityLove/warmth
- Appreciation and gratitude — live with an attitude of gratitude.
★ 3. curiosity — If you want to cure boredom, be curious. Nothing is a chore if you're curious; it's automatic; You want to study.
- excitement and Passion — Passion turns challenges into opportunity. it moves our lives forward at a fast tempo. we decide to feel it, use your Physiology. You can't be filled with Passion while slumping over your desk, slurring speech, bad breathing
★ 5. Determination — This is the difference between being stuck and being struck with lightning Power of commitment
don't Push yourself. Put Yourself in state of determination. Make a congruent, committed decision where you've cut off any other Possibility.
- Flexibility — guarantees success, Plant this seed. ability to change approach. In a windstorm, the mighty oak tree cracks, not the one that bends.
- confidence — Practice by using consistently.
★ 8. cheerfulness — being cheerful means that you are intelligent b/c you know that if you live life in a state of Pleasure — one that's so intense that you transmit a sense of Joy to those around you — you can have the impact to meet virtually any challenge that comes your way.
★★★ 9. Vitality — reread Page 267 on this for business.
critical emotion to cultivate to handle any emotions that come up in your life
- contribution — The Secret to living is giving.
don't do it at your own expense though.
- Plant the emotions daily.
Assignment 1) Next 2 days, any time you feel a disempowering emotion, follow the 6 Steps of emotional mastery. 2) cultivate global beliefs that minimize experience of neg emotions.
★ - Whenever You Start to feel bad, ask yourself: "what else could this mean?" This helps you take control of emotions
- appreciation & excitement for all emotions
b/c they all Provide a chance to learn & make life better.